Why is it so hard for people to let go? Whether it be a person, a habit, a substance, even a memory. Is it the fear that they will have nothing to fill the gap with? Or fear of what they will fill it with? Is it because whatever it may be gives them some sense of security? Or maybe they just have no hope of recovery, it’s a lost cause, so they submit themselves willingly, give in to what consumes them, causing them more harm than good.
Is it hope? That they will change, that there is a brighter future where they and their host can live in peace, both depending on each other with out the consequences, the damage, the loss, the hurt. Why do they fight for something, against even their own better judgment, that has already been lost? A relationship where one cannot coexist with the other. Are people just too ignorant? Do we not deserve better for ourselves? It must be human nature. It is no mystery why so many relate to feelings of hurt or loss.
But why can’t I let go? Am I not stronger than this? I must not forget I too am human. It is in our core, the want to be wanted, the need to be needed. But it no longer seems that simple. If it hurts me, just let go. Yea. Right. The process itself, so simple yet so complicated. The surrender and the forgetting. Then the relapse when I return the thing that caused the mess in the first place. The poison apple that contaminated everything that was Me. When I remember all the things I loved about it. It’s soothing comfort. I lost myself in it, Though more alone than I’d ever been I fed off of the only thing I had. The process repeating itself over and over again, I let go, only to return to it once again! Instead of running away I ran towards it. Embraced it, forgetting all that went wrong, in hopes that this time will be different, because I needed it and it needed me. I no longer have the physical, mental, or social health I once had, all for my addiction to this thing. Why is it so hard to let go?
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