False Advertisement

I don't know where I'm going
My scars tell where I've been
I'm not asking for your sympathy
I'm searching for a friend
Someone to confide in,
And share my secrets with
Of worries, love, tears, memories,
And even of my sins.
I'm scared of death and dying
And to fall in love again
I'm scared that all of my hard work
Won't pay off in the end.
I've no clue what I'm doing,
Or what I want to be
A doctor? Lawyer? Teacher? Artist?
The stress is killing me.
My walls are closing in,
The roof is caving in
I want to run away from this
I'm scared I might break down in public
You'd think my life was picture perfect
But you don't know the things I've seen
You dont know what makes me ME.
I'm not the little girl you knew
My smile is stitched and super-glued
False advertisement, old news.
A walking, talking, ticking, tocking,
Bomb of inconsistencies.
You don't really know me.

live. laugh. love

Like smoke, floating in and out of thoughts. A translucent being, not here nor there, just existing. With every drag I'm closer to that door that separates us from the reality of our being, the mystery of tomorrow. I'm here, but I live in the now, the promise of today. holding on to the true joys of my youth, for time does not wait. Each sway of the pendulum brings us closer to those tomorrows which we so mortally fear. I must embrace reality, indulging with the memories forever embedded in that place whose contents will never be revealed. They're mine, forever to keep. The joys forever mine to hold. The hearts, forever mine to love. Those lips forever mine to kiss, and so I dwell in these moments that need not be spoken, but felt. I'm here. And so I reminisce, let my mind unravel, the memories emerge, the waters fall of those moments time has captured and forever kept prisoners of my forgotten youth. The innocence we have tainted with the things of this world. What I would do for that peace. So many thoughts, emotions, and most importantly actions. So many laughs, so much rhythm, so many questions answered, so many more to ask. My life is one amazing journey, living in the today. No regrets. I have, I need, I want, I give, I love. Never hating, but embracing each misfortune as a new experience. There's just that one thing I long for. I may have found it, but I'll leave that to fate to unravel. For now, I enjoy my existence to the fullest, always learning, always loving, always laughing, forever waiting, for life is not to be rushed, but savored.

We The People

 

Breakdown to breakdown, she's going insane

She's felt down, she melts down

We're birds in a cage

Living life behind bars, not set to protect, but detain, 

And maintain us here, where the government reigns

Where votes can be bought, yet they still hold campaigns
Prescriptions, addictions, convictions, evictions
lives full of pain
working hard for the grain
despite the fact that we'll always remain
here, in the same place
what a shame.
 

 

Unrequited Prayer

My arms pinned down to my sides

I despise you

The churn of my stomach, those eyes

I was lied to

Emotions that flood, through tears escape

Emerge at night, my slumber wakes

In gasps, and sobs, the pain it aches

To know that I still love you

Existing. Not feeling. Not tasting. Not living.

But being...here, without name.

Without hope, without trust, without love, without shame

Still yearning for that touch, that smile, that laugh

But taming my actions, 'til dawn has passed

Then starts a new day, when he'll make me smile

He'll hold me close, It's worth the while

To push thoughts away, keep the mind contained

Until night returns, an they emerge once again..

Time. It lies! No real love dies.

No thoughts subside, but multiply, the pain..

And then you find that you can't decide

Which heart to feed, which love to abide

Each road will unwind, revealing with time,

The pendulums sway within this lullaby

The mind unravels, the fear is alive

It unchains the beasts, and reopens old scars..I'm here

I'm waiting, I'm loving, I'm hating, and craving

More time...

When dear God, with the past untie,

The memories of love, and the pain it left behind?

And set me free

The thousand tears I shed a night

In drunken hopes to be by his side

To hold him once again..

Let selfish wishes destroy the mind

The war within pries at my insides

Let my cup overflow, with the pain, 'til it slows

And my heart has relapsed, to that numbness it lacks

When he's here...

My unrequited prayer, Amen

untitled

You're caving in, and wearing thin

That mask aint meant to last kid

Bathed in sin, I wear your skin

I'm the pestilence of your past

So suppress me with your ignorance

You're the glass and I'm the wine

With every sip you take of me

I'm eroding your design

I'm the shadow of your father

But I sport your mother's eyes

I'm that chill you feel crawling down your spine

Every dark and lonesome night

Now I'm plotting my escape

And choosing my disguise

Taunting with deceiving dormancy

Cause patience is for the wise

But your wish is to surrender

I'll relieve you of your shame

Just slide the bullet in the barrel

And pull to end the game.

Conversation to Kisses

Our cars collide, sweet cyanide, the ink that intertwines. 

Chaotic impulses I shall abide, as you undress me with your eyes. 

Trace my lips with your fingertips, I'm drowning in your decadence. 

Over coffee, words, and cigarettes, comparing scars without regrets. 

Beautiful disaster, you're my perfect waste of time. 

Every second locked in a memory, 

Remedies of the mind.

The heart that beats for mine

The heart that beats for mine

A thousand times goodbye

…but you won’t leave

My mind wanders as you place your hand in mine

Why have you come back?

My new life is untainted by past memories of our ignorant youth

We’d stare at the sun, laugh ‘cause we’re young

But all that has come to fade

Those winter nights, your arms around mine

Your eyes, your smile, your kiss

My head on your chest, I’ll never forget

The way you used to love me.

Reminisce, Bliss.

Warm, your touch, your kiss

Those eyes, the lies I’ve heard so many times before

How I miss those days,

When you would call me Baby

Do you remember those nights in your car?

When we’d stay up and look at the stars?

The train rides to New York, just us two?

How about the cold winter nights, me there by your side,

Holding you, caressing you, loving you?

Or Atlantic City, where the ocean was ours for a moment

We laid there and for a minute we owned it

Your heartbeat, as I lay on your chest

The Sun, and the sand in our hair

But we didn’t care

As long as we were together

How could you?! I loved you!

I guess, to you, it meant nothing

My love you shared with another

Your touch, your eyes, no longer mine

Now I’m no longer yours

Yet here you’ve come back, calling me Babe.

Now you’re screaming at me, and I’m screaming at you

Your drunken eyes burning with hate

“You’re a piece of shit. I don’t love you.”

I cry out to God “Please take me now,

I don’t want to live anymore.”

Your mask is drawn; they see who you are now

Not the one they once knew

All the lies that you told, yet I never let go

Now they see all the pain that you’ve caused me

Except your family, blinded by every lie that you fed them

“She’s no good, she’s not worth it.”

So I crawl back to that place of my own, and hide

From them

And from you

You’re no longer mine, I’m no longer yours

Two different lives, two different minds

Attached by a strand of hope

I forgot about you, you forgot about me,

Until that day he showed you

How you ran to me, I thought you hated me

Yet you’re back in my life once again

Claiming me, and trying to call me Baby

Now we’re here in your car holding each other

We can’t help but wish we could love one another, again

But then I remember, that day in September

When you said you didn’t love me, the night that I died

My emotions were flushed,

My heart was sealed

But the memories remained

Every night they escaped

And I dreamed of those days,

The ones when you used to love me

Now here we are facing each other

I’m scared to trust you again

You won’t accept me, I’m a fuck-up

We will never be the same

I’m a smoker, a drinker, a lover, a thinker

I’m no longer the Michy you knew

Since that day

When those drunken words revealed the truth

That song that I loved plays in my head

I want to forget, though ill never regret

Every moment we shared, every word you spoke

Every time I touched you every time I loved you

So here we are at my door once more,

I say goodbye, and tears flood my eyes

Your hands grasps mine, and I push it away

“Why?” you ask me

“I can’t” I reply

But the truth is kid, I still love you

Why?

Why is it so hard for people to let go? Whether it be a person, a habit, a substance, even a memory. Is it the fear that they will have nothing to fill the gap with? Or fear of what they will fill it with? Is it because whatever it may be gives them some sense of security? Or maybe they just have no hope of recovery, it’s a lost cause, so they submit themselves willingly, give in to what consumes them, causing them more harm than good.

Is it hope? That they will change, that there is a brighter future where they and their host can live in peace, both depending on each other with out the consequences, the damage, the loss, the hurt. Why do they fight for something, against even their own better judgment, that has already been lost? A relationship where one cannot coexist with the other. Are people just too ignorant? Do we not deserve better for ourselves? It must be human nature. It is no mystery why so many relate to feelings of hurt or loss.

But why can’t I let go? Am I not stronger than this? I must not forget I too am human. It is in our core, the want to be wanted, the need to be needed. But it no longer seems that simple. If it hurts me, just let go. Yea. Right. The process itself, so simple yet so complicated. The surrender and the forgetting. Then the relapse when I return the thing that caused the mess in the first place. The poison apple that contaminated everything that was Me. When I remember all the things I loved about it. It’s soothing comfort. I lost myself in it, Though more alone than I’d ever been I fed off of the only thing I had. The process repeating itself over and over again, I let go, only to return to it once again! Instead of running away I ran towards it. Embraced it, forgetting all that went wrong, in hopes that this time will be different, because I needed it and it needed me. I no longer have the physical, mental, or social health I once had, all for my addiction to this thing. Why is it so hard to let go?

Mental Medication (By Flirting With Catastrophe and Malice In Wonderland)

All is influential.

Mostly confidential

Medication for the mental

Obscene and differential

Where's your common sense yo?

parental and consensual

Lying is essential

Hypnosis in the doses for lack of better words...

Lets hear it for the rebels

Add the bass, raise the treble

Grab your choice utensils

Lets pour our fucking hearts out and be heard..

Empty our hearts and drain our thoughts; we are the broken and the lost.

Here's to the song of all our victims, self-absorbed and so vindictive

.Fuck these souls and their prescriptions. We are the drugs for their afflictions.

We remedy the self-inflicted. Tragedies that we depicted are nothing more than contradictions.

Souvenirs are subtle fictions like suicide notes without encryptions.

Voodoo doll our enemies and set fire to the stitches.

Push the pin and drop the name. Watch it all go up in flames.

Torch the sky for all the clouds. Let's see who's fuckin happy now.

Listen up and buckle down. Knuckles up so fuck it now.

Grab a pen and write this down. Chisel it up or carve it out.

This is Mental Medication for all you clowns. This is what wonderland is all about.

Watch these hearts come pouring out and I'll be there to watch you drown

time and time again

Time and Time again

It was easier as friends

But lovers’ lust tainted what was us

And now we drown in what we have created

You’re my master, my puppeteer

Your strings control my every step

And so constrict my every breath

Until that day when you’ll forget

The pain that I have caused you

I can only but imagine, what lurks behind those eyes

The love, the hate, the devil in disguise

That caused those sleepless nights,

In fear of dreams escaping..

Of when we were in love

All we need is time

To heal that heart, the soul, the mind

To fade the memories to dust, so we can trust, again

Let the waters fall and wash away the past

Just pray to God this time it lasts, for us

You promised

Let’s move forward, Love, together

Stop playing these silly games

Now my heart is at its weakest, for everything is drained

I can’t do it again; I want you in my life,

To have to hold to love, to feel, let’s try this one more time

I’ll be yours and you’ll be mine

Just please don’t hurt me

Your arms around my waist pull me closer

Kiss my lips, my neck, my shoulder

Down to the last inch, and let me hold you

Let the pendulum swing, until the break of dawn

The start of a new day, the end to a new song

Now I must go. How I hate leaving

Like a kid with the crush that lasted a lifetime

I remember those words, I remember those nights when

I’d stay up and think about us and how it was,

Until I dozed off then the alarm went off, then in a rush got ready

So as to not miss the bus, to your home where you were still asleep

I’d kiss your forehead, and you’d awake then pull me near

And then we’d sleep, and dream of those better days that now are dear

The taste of your last cigarette on our tongues

The smoke constricts and fills the lungs

Runs through our veins and we unbind

Heart and soul, body and mind,

Blowing doubts, stopping time

In hopes to leave it all behind

Like ashes

I promise this time will be right Love

We’ll live every second, capture every moment

From sunrise to sunset, my heart is yours, you own it

Just give it time, let the pain subside

Let the memories drown, the mind unwind

Let’s stop the clocks and re-define

What it means to be in love

Requiem of the lovers’ tale

One in which their love entrails,

Blossoms and in the end prevails

For they have every moment captured

The memories are only those,

Of when each other’s heart they’d hold

Without an ounce of pain, in trust that it will all remain

Marry me, let’s get away

In hopes of finding better days

Through the valley of the shadow of death

Let’s fear not, without regrets

Leave the memories of our enemies

Take your hand in mine, just give it time
to love me... 

Ellipses

false hope. true fantasy.
inexplicable irrationality.
caged fiend. set her free.
give her the drug, and let her be.
she knows it can never be,
the love from the one of which she dreams.
so let her hold onto the one thing they cant see,
his picture in her wallet..
-Michy.<3

Broken Record

stop. take a breath. time to relapse, to recap, to unleash repressed memories.
let them flow, before they grow and the insomnia gains victory.
hide your face, don't let them see, what tragedy was made of the,
tattered, torn, broken, worn, she is nothing but a puppet.
now cut those strings, and with the key, unleash yourself from this morality,
save yourself, spread those wings, before they see how far you've fallen.
and leave behind those silly dreams, that you and him were meant to be.
detached from them, now you'll see, he was only but your master.
broken record, sing to me, of past joys and youthful scenery,
replay them in my head, before i go to bed,
so i can finally rest, without the constant dread,
that he will find me.

-Michy.<3