Unrequited Prayer

My arms pinned down to my sides

I despise you

The churn of my stomach, those eyes

I was lied to

Emotions that flood, through tears escape

Emerge at night, my slumber wakes

In gasps, and sobs, the pain it aches

To know that I still love you

Existing. Not feeling. Not tasting. Not living.

But being...here, without name.

Without hope, without trust, without love, without shame

Still yearning for that touch, that smile, that laugh

But taming my actions, 'til dawn has passed

Then starts a new day, when he'll make me smile

He'll hold me close, It's worth the while

To push thoughts away, keep the mind contained

Until night returns, an they emerge once again..

Time. It lies! No real love dies.

No thoughts subside, but multiply, the pain..

And then you find that you can't decide

Which heart to feed, which love to abide

Each road will unwind, revealing with time,

The pendulums sway within this lullaby

The mind unravels, the fear is alive

It unchains the beasts, and reopens old scars..I'm here

I'm waiting, I'm loving, I'm hating, and craving

More time...

When dear God, with the past untie,

The memories of love, and the pain it left behind?

And set me free

The thousand tears I shed a night

In drunken hopes to be by his side

To hold him once again..

Let selfish wishes destroy the mind

The war within pries at my insides

Let my cup overflow, with the pain, 'til it slows

And my heart has relapsed, to that numbness it lacks

When he's here...

My unrequited prayer, Amen